I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
