actually, I'm a sock model
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
