Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
