well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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