So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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