some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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