sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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