Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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