Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
