Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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