girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
