I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
