Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
