Four minutes until I can fart!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sorry my hands just texted you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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