Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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