I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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