Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize