i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
