someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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