Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
vagina is talking i cant
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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