The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
