remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
