Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
