do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
