Cold hands, warm shart.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
