I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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