I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize