Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is Oprah even human
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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