Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
