Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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