Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
A+ Viking dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
