if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
