There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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