I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
