My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
