his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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