You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
