I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
