I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
