Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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