I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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