im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
