Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
