She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
