This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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