Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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