the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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