there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
