The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
