You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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