I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize