Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
