I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
