White coat. Heels.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
