I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
