Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
