this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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