Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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