you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize