We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
