hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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