I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
