Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Im part way to drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
