My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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