Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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