You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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