she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
