Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
4 words: hood of his car
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
