I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
